


Time Has No Sympathy

by aoi_para



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Smut, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 09:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoi_para/pseuds/aoi_para
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kadaj can't breath. A religious reject, he can't leave his home. Isolated and slowly suffocating, he can only yearn for human contact outside his family. When he meets a strange blond traveler, he becomes infatuated beyond control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Has No Sympathy

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this maybe three years ago? Anyway, I thought I'd put it up here in hope that i could get some feedback that would inspire me to finish this. Feedback would be MUCH MUCH appreciated on this, since I want to finish it but have little inspiration/motivation.

            Gasping, choking, suffocating.  It was unbearable pain, unbearable suffering, unbearable pressure.  It seemed like nothing was even entering into his mouth, his strength gone, dwindling into nothingness as the time passed.  Seconds?  It’d only been seconds?  Felt like _years_.  He wanted to cry, but there wasn’t even breath for that.  His lungs were screaming, screeching so horribly that he almost felt his ears would bleed. The world around him was blotting into black, bubbles of mauve and charcoal popping in his vision, devouring it whole, electric bluegreen pulsing around its edges.  And then nothing.  It was all quiet.  Peace.

 

-.-.-.-.-

 

            It was Sunday when he woke.  It had to be since there were no kids playing outside.  The town was strangely religious, making the twenty-mile hike every week down to the old crumbling church in the wasteland.  It was a sacred place, so no one dared to renovate it, but the place was still widely in use for prayer and healing.  Healing—yes, the thing he was in dire need of at the moment.  But the waters at the church proved unloving to him.  Others with similar symptoms had been cured long ago, others with much worse diseases cured with a sip—but not himself.  He was forsaken.  Son of a sinner.  Brother of a sinner.  Dirty by blood; dirty by association.  Dirty and diseased.

            His breaths were coming in short gasps now, quick enough to keep him from comfortably resting.  He was tired, despite the three days he’d probably spent unconscious.  Making a conscious effort, he slowed his breathing down to almost normal.  It was still like he was trying to breath sludge, but that was normal these days.  He dragged himself into a sitting position, taking it slow as the black splotches tried to overtake him again.

            “Kadaj?” he could hear his older brother call timidly from the hall.  The door squeaked open ever so slightly as the big lug peeked inside.  “Are you awake now?” The voice was deep, that of a grown man’s, but its tone belied a child’s.  Kadaj figured his other brother was at work, doing God knows what.

            “Yeah,” Kadaj horsed out, glancing at the door.  Loz was hiding behind it as if he were afraid.  The thought of it was stupid, but it was plausible in Loz world.  Be afraid of the ailing little brother that can barely beat up a pillow anymore, despite being a two-hundred pound mass of muscle.  Needless to say, Loz wasn’t the smartest in the family.

            “Can I come in?” Loz asked, his voice small, filled with worry and fright.

            “Do whatever you want,” Kadaj said, not in much of a good mood.  He turned his gaze to the shabbily covered window.  Light was spilling out from behind the thin, yellowed canvas blind.  The door squeaked as it opened wider, and the floor creaked as Loz came closer to his bed.   When he was younger, he used to share a bed with Loz.  Despite the brute being the eldest of the three remaining siblings, he was just as much a child as Kadaj hadd been and therefore was a good bedmate.  But everything changed when he started showing symptoms.

            “Are you feeling better?” Loz asked, settling down by the bed on his knees.  He gently reached for his brother’s hand.  Kadaj accepted the touch, taking a little comfort in his brother’s warmth.

            “A little, yeah.  About the same as before the attack,” Kadaj replied.

            “You’re going to get better soon, right?  They’re not gonna take you away like Mother and Big Brother, right?” Loz said, voice trembling.  Kadaj turned to the older, knowing he had tears in his eyes.

            “Now, now.  Don’t cry, Loz,” He said as gently as he could.  He lifted his free hand and brushed the tears away from his brother’s eyes.  “Why would you think that?”

            “Because when they took Mother and Big Brother away, they said it was because they were sick.”

            “No, no.  No one’s going to take me away.  I’m different from them,” Kadaj said, cooing at his elder brother.  “Now, help me get up.  I’ll go make us something to eat.”

            “NO!  You need to stay in bed.  Yazoo said to make you stay in bed until he got home,” Loz panicked,

            “And where _is_ Yazoo?”

            “He’s gone to the church to pray.  I wanted to go too, but he told me someone had to stay here with you just in case.”

            “Praying?  What good will praying to a god that’s forsaken us do?  The water at that church burned.  It ate away at my throat and stomach.  It was like poison,” Kadaj spat.  Loz drew back slightly, intimidated by his brother’s cruel words.

            “I’ll go and get you an apple.  I can fix you an apple.  Yazoo taught me how to make them into cute little bunnies,” Loz said hurridly, trying to calm his brother down.

            “Bunny apples?  Thanks, that’d be nice, Loz,” Kadaj conceded.  It wasn’t worth upsetting his brother.  The lug stood, a childish smile on his face as he retreated to the kitchen.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

            “Now eat all of that,” Yazoo instructed, putting a bowl of hot brown vegetable stew and bread down in front of Kadaj.  “You haven’t had anything for three days, so now is not the time to say you aren’t hungry,” Yazoo chided.

            “Loz fixed me an apple earlier,” Kadaj commented off handedly, picking up the spoon and slowly fishing a potato from the stew.

            “Did he now?  Did he cut his fingers when he was peeling it?”

            “No, surprisingly enough.  I had an unbloody rabbit apple,” Kadaj said, forcing the spoon past his lips.

            “That's good,” The middle brother said, moving to the laundry basket to start folding Kadaj’s clean clothes.  There was prolonged silence, lasting about five minutes before Yazoo spoke up again.  “I’ve been thinking about starting up a shop.”

            “Why?” Kadaj questioned, putting his spoon down.

            “I think we could use the extra income.  I mean, Loz gets paid very little for all the grunt work he does for the other shops, and my income isn’t exactly fixed or reliable.  I think a shop would be a nice try at trying to get some normalcy in our life.”

            “No one would buy from us,” Kadaj deadpanned.

            “We’ll open up on Sundays.  All the other stores are closed then.  We’ll have a small stock of various items that people might need in an emergency.  Potions, antidotes, things like that.”

            “I think you’re dreaming a little too sweetly.  It won’t work.  Everyone hates us.”

            “Now, now.  Kadaj, trust me for once.  If we open a shop, there will be customers,” Yazoo explained.

            “I still doubt it will work.  When are you planning on getting this up and running?  And where?”

            “We don’t really use down stairs much anyway.  Loz and I can build a stand that we can put outside to display the goods outside the house.  You can run the register.  After all, Loz and I do often work on Sundays anyway.”

            “You really want me to work?”  
            “I think it’d be better for you than just sitting around the house rotting.  A little people contact would do you good.”  
            “I’d probably scare them off.”

            “Nonesense.  You’re attractive enough.   I’m sure you could lure someone in.”

            “Who would want to be around me after they realize I’m sick?”

            “Kadaj…”

 

-.-.-.-.-.-

 

            Yazoo had carried out his little dream of building a shop.  He and Loz had worked for a week on building a display stand and had it up in time for the next Sunday.  He ordered a few boxes that he said would last the shop for at least a month, and had Loz stock up the case.  Kadaj was forced awake at four thirty to primp himself to face customers at five while Loz stocked.  Things were slow for the first two weeks, attracting nothing but a few curious people.  Then, surely, a few people began to drop buy.  Potions and antidotes were the most common items sold, but occasionally a pilgrim headed out in the morning would buy food—sandwiches that Yazoo would prepare the night before.  However, customers rarely stayed longer than they had to, kept conversations short, and Kadaj got the feeling that some of the older patrons were only buying from them out of pity.

            Two months after the shop opened, Kadaj found himself face to face with a stunning blond that he’d never seen in the town before.  He’d often watch the people from his window, and since working at the make shift little shop, he’d seen more of the townspeople than he’d ever before.  This man was a definite new face.  He was a good two inches taller than Kadaj, with a slight, muscular frame.  Had he been as out of shape as Kadaj, he figured that the man would be quite feminine looking.  The stranger’s blue eyes were deep, swirling with guarded emotions.

            “I’d heard rumors, but I didn’t expect it to be true,” the man said, speaking softly.  His voice was the most pleasant Kadaj could remember hearing since his elder brother’s.  But Older Brother was gone, had been for a long time, since just after he’d become ill.  “Why did you decide to open a shop like this on Sundays?”

            “Because we are outcastes to the Religion of this town.  The other shops are closed on these days, but people may still need supplies if there’s an emergency,” Kadaj explained.

            “I see,” the man said, letting the subject drop.

            “Are you a traveler?  A pilgrim to the church?” Kadaj asked, looking at the man in the eyes.

            “No.  I live near the town, that’s all.  I don’t come here much, but I heard of a shop that was open even on Sunday.  I needed to restock, but I didn’t want to deal with the townspeople,” The man explained, running a hand through his blonde spikes.

            “Then I guess you’re very fortunate that we’ve opened up,” Kadaj said, tilting his head.

            “Yeah,” the man agreed, nodding.  He picked up a dozen potions and half a dozen antidotes.  He paused, looking at the sandwiches before grabbing one of those as well.  “How much do I owe you?”

            “Eighteen hundred gil,” Kadaj said, beginning to appreciate the lines of the man’s face and shoulders.

            “Right, here,” the man said, holding out the money.  Kadaj held his hand out and the man dumped the coins in them.  As Kadaj brought it back towards him he noticed the blood splatters on the coins and some small clumps of fur sticking to some of the money.  The man had to be a beast hunter, scrounging gil from the dead bodies and turning in carcasses for rewards.

            “Have a good day, sir,” Kadaj said as the man turned away.  The blond only grunted in reply as he made his way towards the town exit.  Kadaj found his eyes trailing down the stranger’s form, stopping at the man’s gently swaying hips.  With a bit of disgust, Kadaj realized that he felt attracted to the beautiful man.  He shook it off.  Surely the man wouldn’t be returning ever again.

 

-.-.-.-.-

 

            For three months the blond had been returning to the shop every week, buying up several potions and other emergency items.  For three months, the man was the only steady costumer that the little shop had.  For three months Kadaj had something to wake up for every Sunday.  For three months Kadaj was too shy to do anything but announce the amount owed before the man left.

            But today would be different.  He’d been having small attacks through out the week, ones that reminded him of his mortality.  This made him weary and reckless.  He longed for the comfort of a friend, so he decided he had to try to start a conversation with the man.  Anyone that wasn’t his brother would do, but he knew in his heart that only the blond stranger would make him truly content.

            “Excuse me, but may I ask your name?” Kadaj asked, a few minutes after the man arrived.  The blond looked up from the sandwiches he was inspecting.

            “Uh, Cloud,” the man said, picking up a sandwich without looking.  “You?”

            “Kadaj,” he answered.  “Twenty four hundred.”  Cloud counted out the money before handing it to Kadaj.

            “That’s an interesting name.  Kadaj.  It rolls off the tongue nicely,” the blond said, a small smile quirking at the corner of his mouth.

            “I think yours fits you better.  You seem… distant.  Like the clouds in the sky.”

            “That’s a new one.”  
            “It’s not meant as an insult.  Clouds are beautiful because they are far away,” Kadaj explained, looking way from the older man.

            “Are you saying I’m only good if I’m admired form afar?”

            “N-no.  Nothing like that.  I’m saying you’re beautiful because you are detached from this society.”

            “It almost sounds like you’re hitting on me,” Cloud said, a bit amused.  Kadaj blushed, a grimace taking over his features.

            “I’m not lying when I say I think you’re beautiful,” Kadaj said after a moment.  He looked up into Cloud’s eyes, determined and lively.

            “I don’t think I’d be lying if I said I found you attractive too,”  the blond said, turning away as his cheeks tinted slightly.  Kadaj felt his heart skip, and for a moment thought that maybe he was about to have another attack.  He cursed inwardly, praying that God would take mercy on him and not let anything ruin the chance in front of him.

            “How old are you?” Kadaj asked, leaning forward over the stand.

            “Twenty-three,” Cloud answered curtly.  Kadaj turned away a bit discouraged.  He was older than Loz, but younger than Older Brother.  Kadaj was young, so young.  The chances that Cloud would want to risk anything with him were slim.  He felt discouraged, hopeless.  “How old are you?”

            “Fifteen,” Kadaj said bitterly.  The silence that fell between them was awkward.  Kadaj suddenly snapped his head to look at the older man’s.  “I'm young,” he began, voice filled with determination, “But I’m curious.  This is the first time I’ve felt like this towards anyone.”

            “I’m sure what you’re feeling is just lust, I don’t think you would get anywhere by fulfilling a carnal desire like sex,” Cloud said, trying to get out of the situation.

            “Sex?  I… I’ve never known anything of the sort.  I’ve never known the feeling of love outside my family.  The warmth that a body can provide beyond the touch of a hand,” Kadaj said, pulling back from the stand.

            “You’ll find someone that’s good for you when you’re older.  I’m not worth it.  You’ll only screw yourself over.”

            “I want you to want me,” Kadaj said, his back hitting the side if the building.  He looked up at Cloud through his bangs.

            “No you don’t.  Just wait, and you’ll meet someone better than me.”

            “I am an outsider. And you are too,” Kadaj reasoned, pulling his arms up to hug himself.  “I think… it makes it more right for us.

            “But—“

            “Teach me!  Teach me what it feels like to be held by a person, because we may never get the chance to hold someone again,” Kadaj snapped, looking up at Cloud again.  The man froze, taken aback.  After a few moments, he nodded.

            “I’ll think about it,” he said, placing his money down on the top of the stand, turning to leave with his purchase.  Kadaj released a shuddering sigh as he slid down the wall and onto the ground.  He would think about it.  Cloud would think about coming back to give him a chance.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

            Kadaj had had three minor attacks. Every breath he took felt like shards of glass stabbing into his lungs, causing him to get next to no sleep.  But the pain didn’t stop him from rising on Sunday to work at the shop.  Yazoo seemed concerned but didn’t say anything, and Loz was a bit too unobservant to even realize that his baby brother was in more pain than he let on.  When he saw the blond coming down the street, his heart rate quickened.  His breathing was already fast and shallow, but he forced it to become normal, even if it was incredibly painful.

            “Have you had enough time to think?” Kadaj asked, hoping his voice came out normal.  The blond nodded, not seeming to notice that anything was incredibly off about Kadaj.

            “I… after thinking about your proposal… I have to agree.  I don’t know when the next time someone will offer themself to me will be.  I’ll try this with you.  But don’t expect me to come more than once a week,” Cloud explained, not meeting the boy’s eyes.  His gaze instead lingered where Kadaj’s porcelain skin disappeared under his shirt.

            “I don’t care how often you come, as long as the reason you come is to see me,” Kadaj said, looking at the man with piercing eyes.  “Continuing to come on Sundays is fine with me as well.  My family is gone, working.  I can close the shop and we can do what ever we want.”

            “Then it seems it will work out fine then.  I only planned to come into town on Sundays anyway.”

            “Do you want to come inside?” Kadaj offered, motioning to the door.

            “No.  Out here is fine for all I have planned for today,” Cloud explained.  The older man leaned forward, pressing his lips chastely against Kadaj’s.  The silveret blushed, and fought not to pull back.  His breath was stolen away from the shock, making his lungs scream even louder than they had before Cloud had arrived.  But the touch of the blond’s lips was pleasant, a feeling that he didn’t want to leave, but ended too soon.  He regained his ability to breath, unable to calm it down to how he’d been before the kiss.  He panted shallowly, his cheeks tinted.

            “Is that all?” Kadaj asked.

            “Yeah, for today.  But if you’re breathless after just that, then I’m curious to see how sensitive you are after next week.  I want to take it slow.  You’re just a kid, after all.” Kadaj pouted slightly, but didn’t reply.  He couldn’t let the man know he was ill.  He would leave him if he knew.  Cloud left a thousand gil on the stand and grabbed a few potions and a sandwich before turning away.  Kadaj sighed.  Next week.  Next week he would receive something better than the simple one he’d just had.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

            Kadaj was estatic when Cloud took up his offer to come into the house.  He hadn’t had any attacks recently, meaning that Kadaj was able to breathe properly without battling with his will.  It still felt like he was breathing muck, but that was better than knives.  He could do anything with Cloud and nothing would seem wrong.

            Just after closing the door, Kadaj was pressed against it.  Cloud’s hands found their way to the sides of the boy’s face and cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look up at the older man.  Slowly Cloud leaned in and placed a few kisses on Kadaj’s lips. The teen blushed slightly, closing his eyes.  He wanted to keep those foreign lips there.  At the next kiss, he lent in, reciprocating, though a bit awkwardly.  He dragged his hand to Cloud’s body, slowly raising it.  He couldn’t figure out where to place it.  His shoulder? His head?  His face?

            He finally decided on the back of Cloud’s neck, pulling the man in closer.  The blond released Kadaj’s face and placed his hands on Kadaj’s hips, pulling their bodies closer.  The next kiss, Cloud parted his lips just enough to suck Kadaj’s bottom lip in.  He nipped it, before releasing it and continuing to kiss Kadaj open mouthed.  Kadaj felt the heat rising in his face, everything was speeding up.  That was new, exciting.  He pressed back, opening his lips.  The new kisses were awkwardly placed and sloppy, but Kadaj wouldn’t let Cloud pull back.  He raised his other arm and placed his hand atop the other on Cloud’s neck.  This felt good, different, strange, delightful.

            Kadaj sucked in one of Cloud’s lips, attempting to take a little more control over the kiss, but Cloud nipped Kadaj, starting a small fight for dominance. Kadaj nipped back before releasing the flesh, only to take the other in, Cloud nipped again. The process repeated a few times, reducing them to nipping like wrestling puppies, Kadaj imagined.  He soon relented to Cloud’s more experienced kisses, relaxing back against the door.  Cloud soon pulled back, causing Kadaj to whimper.  He wanted the feeling back, and tried to initiate a kiss himself, but Cloud only continued to dodge.

            “That’s enough for today,” Cloud said, releasing Kadaj’s hips and pulling the teen’s hand from his neck.

            “But, that’s not enough,” Kadaj complained, trying to move closer to the blond.  Cloud continued to  dodge,  making  Kadaj leave the door.  When the teen was far enough away from the exit, he swept behind Kadaj and opened the door.

            “We’ll pick up there next week,” Cloud said, closing the door behind him.  Kadaj huffed, throwing the door open.  Cloud was gone by the time he got out.  Two thousand gil rested on the top of the stand.  Kadaj noticed a sandwich and several potions were missing.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

            The following week proved to be an excellent one for Kadaj’s health.  His ability to breath eased greatly with the lack of attacks.  He found himself breathing deeper than he had in a long while, months perhaps.  The scarcity of attacks gave him hope that maybe he was getting better, that maybe Cloud had kissed away some of his bad health.  He was anxious for the blond to come, waiting impatiently for the man to walk down the road from the town entrance, the only soul in the area besides himself.  When he saw him, he nearly jumped form his skin.  Cloud was something to look forward to, to crave more than food.  He wanted to press his body against the older man’s and kiss his lips.

            Cloud nodded towards the door when he was only a few feet from the stand.  Kadaj got the message, standing from his stool to unlock and open the door.  He ushered Cloud in first before closing the door.  This time Cloud waited a few minutes, looking around the barren down stairs portion of the house, before turning back to Kadaj.

            “You seem to have even less in here than I have in my house,” Cloud commented.

            “We only really use the kitchen down here.  Most of our things are upstairs,” Kadaj explained, stepping forward and encircling his arms around Cloud’s neck.  The younger leaned forward, pressing his lips to Cloud’s timidly. It was still all new to him, this non-brotherly kissing business, but he adored the way it felt.  Cloud hummed into the kiss, pressing back. The pressing of lips soon escalated back to the level they had established the week before.  Cloud began to nudge Kadaj back towards the door.  When Kadaj’s back was pressed firmly against the wood, Cloud pressed flat against the boy, the man pulled away.  He placed a finger in front of Kadaj’s lips, preventing him form trying to reinitiate the kiss.

            “Shh, don’t complain,” Cloud murmured.  “Now open your mouth,” he instructed, placing his hand back on Kadaj’s hip as the teen did as he was told.  “A little wider.”   Kadaj rolled his eyes, opening his mouth a bit farther.  “Good.”

            Cloud tilted his head to the side, leaning forward slowly.  Kadaj watched as the man neared, feeling his heart rate and breathing start to speed up in anxious anticipation.  He didn’t understand why Cloud had asked him to do what he was doing.  When the older’s lips met his, he could feel the man’s tongue gently probing into his mouth.  The foreign object, almost timidly, ran across the inside of the boy’s cheek, over his teeth and finally onto the roof his mouth before dipping down to tease Kadaj’s tongue into reacting to it.

            Kadaj was a bit shocked, not exactly knowing how he felt about this new action. He tried to pull back, but Cloud moved a hand behind the boy’s head and held it in place, continuing to probe his mouth, touching every part he could easily reach. Kadaj didn’t struggle, deciding that Cloud’s tongue in his mouth was _not_ a bad thing, but he wasn’t quite sure how to react.  Cloud pulled back after a few more moments, his breathing as labored as Kadaj’s.

            The younger leaned forward, deciding that he would give this new thing a try.  He pressed his lips to Cloud’s with more force than the first kiss he’s started, timidly slipping his tongue past Cloud’s lips and began to map out the inside of Cloud’s mouth.  The older left him be for a few moments before his tongue stirred and began pressing back against the younger’s.  They battled for a few moments for dominance over the kiss before Kadaj finally retreated back into his own mouth, leaving Cloud to do as he saw fit.  The older quickly pulled back for a gasp of a breath before plunging back down to initiate a series of short, tongued kisses with the boy.  Kadaj relaxed back onto the door, beginning to find pleasure in Cloud’s tongue massaging his mouth.  A small moan rose up his throat, muffled by Cloud’s lips over his.

            When the two computed just where the sound came from, they split apart.  Kadaj was a bit dazed, but happy, a smile tugging at his lips.  Sure, he was embarrassed that he’d made such a sound, but weren’t those kinds of moans from pleasure?  He had no qualms about stating his approval of Cloud’s actions.  But Cloud on the other hand seemed a bit disgruntled.

            “I should be going.  That’s far enough for today,” Cloud said, pushing Kadaj from the door.  The younger whimpered, trying to cling onto Cloud’s arm.

            “I want to keep going,” Kadaj whined.

            “No.  Only one new thing each time,” Cloud said sternly.  “I won’t take it too far too fast.  You’re still so young.”  Kadaj pouted, letting go of the blond.  Cloud pushed the door open, swiftly exiting.  Kadaj sighed.  He wondered if next week would be even more pleasant.


End file.
